Hours before he died, Avicii wrote these last words in his journal
On April 20, 2018, with only 28 years old, one of the best DJs in the world took his own life in a hotel in Oman.
The death of Sweden's Avicii paralyzed music fans, leaving a void in the world of electronic music that four years later has not been filled.
There have been many questions that friends, family and fans have asked about Avicii's death.
Some of these questions were answered in 'Tim - The Official Biography of Avicii'. The title refers to Tim Bergling, Avicii's real name. It contains, among other things, excerpts from the DJ's personal diary and the statements he made to his closest circle of friends and family.
The author, renowned Swedish journalist Mans Mosesson, spared no details when writing the book. From substance abuse to mental health problems, and the thoughts that led him to take his own life, the biography takes a tour of the DJ's complicated life.
The diary, cited in the book, collects the last words of Avicii, hours before he took his own life on that fateful spring day in 2018.
"The shedding of the soul is the last attachment, before it restarts." That was the last thought Avicii recorded in his diary before taking his own life.
Before that sad statement, suggesting a deep void in the way he experienced his life, the DJ had talked about the ways in which he considered his existence to be very tough.
"I had a hard time accepting never to drink again, although all the doctors strongly suggested that I wait at least a year before I had a beer," Avicii recounted in his diary on one of his last days. "I didn’t listen to most of the doctors, I listened to my partner who said it was okay if I was careful."
But being careful was very difficult on tour. "I was ignorant and naive," Avicii wrote, "and I was touring the world, still on an endless tour, because once you've been around the world, guess what? You start all over again from the beginning."
When he was only 24 years old, in 2014, Avicii's gallbladder and appendix were removed. He had acute pancreatitis caused by excessive alcohol consumption.
"If I don't drink, I get more and more nervous before I play," the DJ said in his own documentary: 'Avicii: True Stories.' "Alcohol slows down my nerves."
The story of Avicii's biography was confirmed by the DJ's family, friends and acquaintances, including his parents, Anki and Klas Bergling, with whom the author was in permanent contact during the book's preparation.
The biography recounts how the artist went in and out of rehab, spent a lot of time in hospitals, and even overdosed.
Avicii's father said in an interview after his death that he tried to convince his son to stop touring every day, for years. "The business absorbs you and Tim was too successful. But when he traveled and made music he was happy," his dad said. "He had his ups and downs but he was productive and creative. As parents, we could only sit in Stockholm and hope he would come home to rest."
Interestingly, in reference to hospitals, the DJ himself leaves a heartbreaking passage in his journal. It shows how complicated fame was for him, despite the recognition and money he had already gained at his age.
"Those days in the hospital were the most stress and anxiety-free days I can remember in the last six years. Those were my real vacations, as depressing as it may seem," he wrote with regard to his recovery in the hospital after undergoing surgery of acute pancreatitis.
"The relief of going from extreme pain to none, knowing that no one expects anything else than to wait and then recover was enormous. It was a relief, considering the insane schedule I had maintained up to that point," he confessed to his diary.
Regarding his addictions, Avicii also dedicated pages and pages to narrate in his diary the hell he went through.
In one of the passages, he recalls the days after his rehabilitation in Ibiza (Spain) in 2015. At that time, he was 25 years old. He narrates in great detail the pain he suffered until his family intervened and literally saved his life.
"I needed them to explain things to me logically and in the style of a caveman to really understand my condition and the way it was hurting me," he says in the diary.
Most painful for those who loved him, were the moments in which he told them he would follow a straight path again. "The Tim of the future will deal with pain, he will face things better," Avicii predicted in that distant 2015. But it didn't work out that way.
One of the avenues he took to improve his life was meditation. He dedicated 20 minutes a day to meditate under the method of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. For a while it worked for him, but then it actually became harmful. Avicii could not stop: he spent hours on the meditation rather than the recommended 20 minutes.
It all ended on April 20, 2018. Avicii, a huge talent, had to deal with so many demons that they ended up devouring him. Now, after the first shock is over, his musical legacy remains valid and his memoires will surely help many people who experience similar problems.