Sleep divorces: The unconventional marriage hack of the stars

Yes, Posh and Becks are reportedly great fans of sleeping apart. According to the Daily Mail, they even bought a new country home with "his and her wings." Hey, they seem happy and are one of the few ultra-famous couples to have stayed together since the 90s. A source told the Daily Mail that it helps the couple live more independent lives.

A sleep divorce is nothing more than a couple (or thruple etc.) making the decision to sleep apart. Experts say if your partner is disrupting your sleep and you want to fix that problem, it’s a sign that you care about your relationship and health.

The Today Show host told his viewers that he and his wife Siri Daly are blissfully sleep divorced. “I was served my sleep-divorce papers a few years ago,” he explained. “It’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We both, admittedly, slept better apart.”

A 2023 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that sleep divorces are becoming strikingly common. The survey found that 43% millennials engage in sleep divorce, followed by 33% of those in Generation X, 28% of those in Generation Z and 22% of baby boomers. On average, it's around one out of everything couples. Let's see who else enjoys the trend...

Married in 1947, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip may have lasted so long due to their sleep divorce. "In England, the upper class always have had separate bedrooms. You don't want to be bothered with snoring or someone flinging a leg around," Lady Pamela, Prince Philip's first cousin, told writer Sally Bedell Smith. “Then when you are feeling cozy you share your room sometimes. It is lovely to be able to choose."

The former president and his wife reportedly live fairly separate lives. That includes sleeping in separate White House suits, according to the New York Times. Actually, she didn’t move to the White House for months at the beginning, waiting for their son to finish his term in school.

In 2016, the couple became next-door neighbors, living in adjoining New York City townhouses. They just celebrated their 25th anniversary last May.

The Better Sleep Council did a survey of American couples and found they have some major issues in the bedroom, at least when they’re trying to get some shut-eye. Of the 85% of adults who said they have problems sleeping at night, 40% said it was because of their partner tossing and turning.

Snoring can be another major disturbance solved by parting ways. A 2010 study of people with sleep apnea found that 63% had relationship issues. Another study saw that severe snoring can cause anger and resentment, with those with sleep apnea having a higher divorce rate.

Experts recommend sleeping at a temperature of 60-67F (15.5-19.4C), but not everyone has the same preference. When you sleep with someone else, they can also significantly drive up the temperature and get in the way of solid rest.

A 2016 study from Germany found sleep and relationship issues often occur simultaneously. A 2013 study from UC Berkeley found one partner's disturbed sleep can lead to conflicts in the relationship the next day.

Photo: Kampus production/ Pexels

In his 2012 memoir, actor Ryan O'Neal said he slept separately from his wife, Farrah Fawcett, after his son developed a habit of hogging the couple’s bed. "Farrah and I had grown used to our privacy and it stuck, and even when we traveled after that, we'd often get adjoining rooms. I always thought of our arrangement as terribly mature of us… Now I wish I could have back every one of those nights we slept in separate beds."

A 2018 poll of 2,000 Americans found that 46% of couples said they wished they could sleep apart, though not all of them do.

According to a 2017 survey from the National Sleep Foundation, almost one-quarter of married couples sleep in separate beds. Though it’s clearly not for everyone, as some couples like to cuddle and bond in the moments before sleep.

The sleep divorce trend is going so strong that it is impacting the way some houses are being built. In the Better Sleep Council survey, 20% of Americans said their dream home has separate master bedrooms.

It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but it should be kind. “You have to make the choice consciously together. It can’t be a reactive thing like ‘You snore so much, so I’m just going to sleep somewhere else,’ or kicking one person out of the bedroom,” sleep psychologist Shelby Harris told CNBC.

Someone should not be relegated to an uncomfortable couch. Harris recommends ensuring both parties have somewhere comfy to sleep. It could even be in the same room if snoring isn’t the main issue. She also recommends having a space where you can spend intimate time together before parting your separate ways at night.

“Happy, long-term couples are more inclined to have well-developed communication skills and patterns, which are key to making separate sleeping arrangements work,” Jennifer Adams, the author of ‘Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart’ told the NYT.

This popular practice in Northern Europe doesn’t involve sleeping in separate beds but instead is all about using separate blankets. This avoids disruptive blanket thievery and gives individuals control over temperature.

Image: IKEA TOG-ether via IKEA UK Youtube